The Hypercube of Happydalek

If I never have another dream in my entire life, I think I could be okay with that, because there's just no topping the subconscious adventure I went on this morning. I've had one helluva dry spell where good dreams are concerned; I think the stressful and all-consuming nature of grad school was the problem. But finals are over, and yesterday I got to read for fun! and it was like my brain could finally cut loose and make up for the lost time.

I was on a bus with a group of people, trying to survive the zombie plague.

( Hijinks and derring-do ensued. )

And then I woke up.

I should mention that the premise of the dream is no doubt connected to The Walking Dead marathon I sat through last week. Both seasons in one go. So yeah, I've had zombies on the brain lately. It probably explains why I thought I had a dead daughter, and why Lori and T-Dog were members of my group (however, they both got left behind in our escape from the garage complex, although our bus driver also resembled Lori, so I'm not entirely sure what was going on, there). I've also been a passenger in a large van quite frequently lately, as I'm starting a survey job, so that's clearly influenced things, too. But I'm not complaining. This was an epic, and extremely coherent dream.

I wanna go dig shovel tests on Mars or something.  Can I do that?  Can we make that a thing you can get a job doing?  Because that would solve all my problems forever, I think.

 What an awkward way to wake up.  Dreamed that my sister and I had gone back to visit our old church and got pulled into running one of the sunday school classes.  The big crisis we had to deal with?  A toddler who needed to be convinced to try the banana he'd been given as a snack.  But when sunday school was over, I happened to pass by the sanctuary, where I heard my old pastor saying some really insensitive, homophobic remarks.  It made me feel guilty because I wanted to confront him on it, but was too meek/afraid/unprepared to do so.  Making things more awkward, outside the church (which looked like the exterior of a movie theatre, but hey, dream), I saw one of my new grad school mates and his boyfriend.  They were waiting for a ride from someone.  We chatted pleasantly, but in the back of my mind, I was really worried about what would happen if they realized they were in the midst of a bunch of homophobic church people.  I was so afraid of conflict, and dreading the thought of having to admit to these church people who had watched me grow up that I didn't agree with their position on things anymore.

So, not the best mindset to wake up in.  Anxiety, I has it.  It's a little bizarre how often my old church shows up in my dreams.  I suppose it really shouldn't be, considering that the place was a key part of my life for twenty-odd years, but the trouble is, when it does manifest, it's always like this, representing some sticky social or moral situation in which I feel unprepared, exasperated, or guilty.  I know some of that is definitely real, because I have been (and continue to be) quite timid about standing up for any kind of social/moral issues.  I'm like that because I'm indecisive, and having gradually overhauled my personal beliefs in my years since I left the church, I don't want to go spouting loudly about them yet in case I change my mind again, even though I know, somewhat objectively, that what I believe now is more socially responsible than what I believed before, and comes from a more mature, more experienced point of view than I was capable of as a kid and a teen.  

No, that's not why.  Well, yes it is, in part.  But I should be honest, here.  The major reason why I don't speak up is because I'm afraid of disappointing people.  That's my main reason behind almost anything I do, in fact.  No matter what, I absolutely mustn't disappoint anyone.  Gah.  

Me: Hey, brain! I worked hard on homework all day, so let's take the evening off and do something fun and creative. Let's write a story!

Brain: Lol no.

Me: *spends three hours playing spider solitaire instead*

I cannot wait to be finished with school so I can get a decent job and start making good on the 20+ years of institutional life I've had. CAN. NOT. WAIT. I want my brain back, and I still can't find the motivation I mislaid around the start of January. I want to write, and to read for fun, and to be able to do so without the vaguely naughty sense of guilt that I should be doing other things instead. I suspect I probably felt much this same way as my undergrad career wound down, too, heh. I probably shouldn't be so emotional about things, but...can't not.

On a different note, I love the track, "Young Americans" by David Bowie.  The whole album is pretty awesome (Bowie's "plastic soul" phase), but the title track is just so funky and interesting.  Also interesting is this live performance of "Young Americans" that Bowie gave on the Dick Cavett Show in 1974.  Bowie's voice is more than a little rough here (to say nothing of his looks, although the hair is nice), but it adds a gritty depth to the lyrics, I think.  But my god, Bowie's backing band and singers (including a young Luthor Vandross!) absolutely NAIL IT.  SO. TIGHT.  Geez, incredible.  Also incredible?  The fact that Bowie was even coherent enough to give a performance like this, since the mid-70's was when he living on a rather strict diet of milk, cocaine and red peppers and rocking an image that was more Animate Corpse than Glam Rock.  

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Actually, Cavett's entire interview with Bowie is pretty interesting; Bowie opens with an energetic performance of "1984," (a song he wrote for a musical adaptation of Orwell's book that never materialized) and then spends about 10 minutes sniffling and rubbing his nose, and fiddling endlessly with a cane whilst the always-cool and erudite Cavett tries (with limited success) to engage him in conversation.  The mid-70's were not a good time for Bowie (but damn, the guy produced some pretty awesome music), but luckily his story has a happy ending.  Ladies and gents, this is what David Bowie looks like on drugs (in 4 parts, I'll just link you to the first segment):

I really wish I had my teen years to do over again. I would have taken more risks, experienced more things...and possibly gotten in some trouble. I just feel like I got a really late start at life, y'know? Like I did things kind of in reverse.

God, I want to learn to play guitar.

I passed up the chance to use my shiny new health insurance last night.  

( Don't click if talk of wounds makes you squeamish. )

So that was last night.  Twelve hours later, the finger is doing okay.  No sign of infection, although it still smarts.  (I hate hydrogen peroxide.  I'd have much rather have used an antibiotic saline solution or just plain water to clean it out since in my experience, hydrogen peroxide irritates and stings like a bitch, but my classmate, with years of experience in field dressing wounds, overrode me.)  The pressure of the splint was uncomfortable, so I changed up the dressing today and have the joint immobilized with a taped-on Q-tip instead.  Once the cut heals up a little more, I'll go back to the splint.  If it does show signs of infection, then I'll go to the ER and see what good my new insurance policy is.

Yessss. So nice once in a while to do absolutely f*ck all one day and not feel guilty about it. That was today. It started when I got woke up by my ringing phone. It was my Summer Plans calling, haha. I've got myself a position on an archaeology crew for the summer/fall with PennDot! It's the internship thingie I alluded to previously (and the same sort of gig I missed by a narrow margin last spring), it will be full time for the season, and pay on a scale nicely above minimum wage.

After taking that call, I then decided that in celebration, I wasn't gonna do a damn thing that I didn't feel like doing today. Funny enough, I ended up doing a load of laundry in my bathtub because I didn't want to walk to the 'mat and pay with quarters. But I didn't even put real pants on, or go outside. I stayed in and mined youtube for documentaries and songs.

For today's Bowie appreciation, allow me to share his 21 minute short film for the single, "Blue Jean," off his 1984 album Tonight.  It's called "Jazzin' for Blue Jean" and is quite simply delightful.  Bowie plays two characters in the film, 1) the protagonist, a sweet dorky guy named Vic who is on quest to impress a girl he's just met, and 2) Screamin' Lord Byron, a drug-addled rock star that Vic's lady friend wants to meet.  Bowie is a quite talented actor, and plays both parts brilliantly.  His portrayal of Byron is especially awesome, in that Bowie is obviously mocking his own excesses from his Thin White Duke days.  I had no idea Bowie had ever done anything like this, and I just love it:

Posting two days in a row? It's like a Lent Miracle! Actually, I'm hard-core procrastinating on all the Things I Should Be Doing. But I'm also celebrating the fact that I had an awesome interview today for a summer internship. I've been led to believe by a few of the people involved that I have a very, VERY good chance of getting the position this year, but I refuse to buy into that wholesale, since I was led to believe thesame thing last year. In truth, I think I've got it pretty much locked up, so the denial is partly a self preservation measure.
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Apparently SME is being a little bitch about playback rights, so go to youtube and LISTEN TO IT. Because even though I sure as hell can't describe what's going on in most of the tracks, I CAN tell that it consists largely of David Bowie kicking the late 90's music scene in the ass with his electronic and saxophone-tainted awesomeness. Seriously. Dude was like, 50 years old when he made this, and it is just unbelievable. It gives me foolish hope that I might still command the respect and street cred of the younger generation when I'm 50. Regardless of age, it is just plain cool, and might be the thing to finally break me of my obnoxious Nickleback habit.



Oh, who am I kidding; no, it won't. But it's still an awesome album.

YOU GUYS.  DAVID BOWIE IS A FABULOUS ROCK STAR, GUYS.  Did you know that?  I KNOW IT NOW, TOO.

Also, this is a very lovely planet you guys have here.  Earth, you call it?  Not the prettiest-sounding name, but ok.  I'm really enjoying the variety of cultures you humans have here.  So much to see and experience!

Okay, then.  DAVID BOWIE.  I knew who David Bowie was from a fairly young age.  Of course I did.  I don't remember when I learned of him for the first time, probably one of those cultural osmosis things, but I know my idea of him was fairly well cemented by Labyrinth, which I saw for the first time in middle school.  So for me, David Bowie was basically Jareth.  Tight pants and mostly unpalatable (to me, at the time) tunes from the late 80's and early 90's.  I knew the song "Starman" and that he'd been some kind of glam rocker in the 70's, then played an alien in "The Man Who Fell To Earth" and then released more music in the early 2000's and had kind of ridiculous 90's boy band hair, and did that hilarious cameo in "Zoolander."  So yeah, I knew of David Bowie, and if anyone had asked, I would have said sure, I was a Bowie fan.  I liked Labyrinth, and that song of his they used in "A Knight's Tale."  So of course I was a Bowie fan. 

It turns out, however (and this should be painfully obvious to ANYBODY), that I had NO IDEA what David Bowie was all about.  So, a coworker who found out that I loved sci-fi stuff, was appalled to find out that I'd never actually heard all of "Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars," so he burned me a copy of it.  This happened at least six months ago.  Two months ago, I got a car with a CD player in it, and last month, I finally popped in the Ziggy Stardust CD and listened to it.  I probably wouldn't have if it hadn't been Bowie's 65th birthday in January and a friend of mine posted a 1972 performance video of Bowie performing "Space Oddity."  I did a little google-fu and found her the original 1969 music video of "Space Oddity," and it has changed my life.  I wasn't crazy about "Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars" at first, but over the past two weeks, it has wormed its way into my mind in that borderline dangerously obsessive way that such things occasionally do.  I developed a craving for more things Bowie.  I started at his Wikipedia page (don't judge), and that's when I discovered that he had an absolutely incredible career between the Ziggy I'd just met, and the "Zoolander" cameo I knew from just a couple years ago.  I started looking up songs and performances and interviews and suddenly I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY'S MUSICAL GENIUS, GUYS.  He is everything I've always wanted in a musical artist but never thought could possibly exist in one person's career.

I want to share my newfound Bowie appreciation with you all, but it's 2 AM here, and I simply cannot do it in a single post, so consider this the first of probably several Bowie Appreciation Posts to follow.  For now, let me simply direct you to the video that started it all, both for David Bowie's incredible career and my new obsession over his incredible career, 1969's Space Oddity: