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Found Better Headspace.

Posted on 2012.09.03 at 09:58
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Well, there's been a good bit of angst around this journal lately, hasn't there?  Blargh.  I hate angst.  It's distracting.  Fortunately, I'm mostly over it now, I think.  For the time being, anyway.  ;)  Not worried so much.  Reconnecting with good friends you can trust is a great salve, makes it much easier to deal with those parts of your social life that are up in the air.  A little bit of reassurance goes a long way.  :)  It also helps to get more experience dealing with people.  You learn how to handle uncertainty and learn the difference between things like indifference and rejection.  It also helps you sort out what you want from interactions with people. 

I cannot overstate how important it's been for me to have these couple of years of independence.  It's just been mind-bogglingly good for my brain and my spirit.  I had long figured that I needed time alone, to get to know myself, and I was right.  I have the confidence now to step out and try new things, to connect with other people in ways I'd never have dared to before.  I've gotten out of my bubble, I'm seeing where other people are coming from and figuring out where I can fit.  It has been a slow process.  A slooooooooow process, but I'm grateful for that.  It's given me time to adjust to the changes and get comfortable with them.  I'm not done, yet.  I don't think I'll ever NOT be a neurotic mess about some things, but I think that's a good thing, keeps me safer.  I love my neurotic tendencies.  The key is, I've learned how to trust myself.  I've also embraced my oddities and learned to see the slightly unusual way that I interact with people as a good thing.  I've met enough people in enough situations to know that most of the time, I get along just fine, and my oddball qualities are interesting.  I can use that to my advantage.  I can be perfectly normative without having to be normal.  It's all just a matter of practice, is the crazy thing.  I think a lot of people go through life thinking that social interactions are just supposed to be natural and organic.  The urge to socialize is indeed natural and organic.  But being successful at it takes a LOT of practice.  You have to put yourself out there, be willing to screw up, to make bad judgment calls from time to time, and be able to learn from that without getting emotionally scarred.

I'll be 28 years old in December, and I finally feel like I'm becoming the person I've always wanted to be.  Better late than never, amirite?


Comments:


Leonie Delt
leoniedelt at 2012-09-03 19:30 (UTC) (Link)
you are right. and so awesome :)
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